We all have them. Poisonous thoughts that come and go like supervillains. When they are around, they do all they can to slaughter our defenses, and dismantle our hearts into ruins. But they are garbage thoughts, the need not be shared with others, but discarded.
I guess you could argue this isn’t true discarding, but I am going to try creating a thought trash can, of sorts, and see if getting these thoughts that I know better then to ever bring up to people out of my head helps me conquer them. Thoughts I don’t want, I offer you to the dump.
Of the many things I could say… I wish I weren’t invisible.
Maybe it is because there was a time when I felt like I mattered, was cared for in some way, like not only could I be seen, but it mattered that I was. And after everything, to have that completely stripped still rattles me.
There is no greater weapon against a man then to make him think he matters before you make him vanish.
When things began to deteriorate, I was invisible.
When things broke down, obviously, I was invisible.
After most things have passed, there are others, but I still remain invisible.
I’ve long accepted that I’ll never really matter in the way I had wished I did. In the way that it sometimes felt I did. On some level, I will probably never get over it, for all sorts of impossible reasons, but that doesn’t really hurt.
Yet, being an invisible figment of some collective imagination, well if I let myself think of it, yeah, it causes me pain.
And now, if you would please excuse yourself, weak thought, because I don’t want you around here anymore.