Lately, I end each day feeling mentally accomplished. In my current state of things, my mind just gnaws and gnaws on things in an effort to break them down into something I can swallow, digest, and, uh, get them beyond my system.
Thus is the cycle. The end of the night hits, I’ve thought non-stop about a few things, and I feel like I’ve made some monumental decisions that will help me in the long-run. Funny I mention this, because I think that I arrived at an entirely new set of decisions to help me keep my life progressing.
I will say this, maybe I can actually settle on some things. I need to start over. On everything. I need to go back to what got me through so many years. I need to deny oneself– myself. I have decided to do a number of selfless things, whereas the last few decisions I had made in the past 7 days were all selfish.
I don’t expect this to lead to my transition phase being completed any quicker, but I feel better about these decisions. Maybe it will help with that whole fulfillment problem. But for all I know, come tomorrow I will have come at a new set of decisions. I hope not.
And that leads me to what I wanted to write about. I have become horribly indecisive. In fact, I have arrived at the worst form of indecision, I make decisions, I carry them out, then I make different decisions about the same thing. I don’t know if I was always this indecisive or not. I did date a girl who would admit to being pro-tier indecisive, and maybe that rubbed off, but this is worse.
I just wish I could decide on things I feel like I need to decide on, but it seems that this is like trying to finish puzzles with only half the pieces.
